It's been over a decade since my daughter's birth, 6 years since I began my work as a doula, but I've been viewing the world from behind the lens since I was younger than my daughter is today. I can still vividly remember the first time I held my Mother's Minolta 35mm film camera in my hands. My fascination with photography soon blossomed from a casual hobby into my life's greatest passion. I followed my path as an artist and capturer of the human experience from my high school darkroom to an intensive summer program at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. I then followed my dream down to Austin. And then it happened. We got pregnant. We were young, broke, fully unprepared, but already so in love with each other and our baby. I put everything on pause. My education, my plans to travel, the years I thought we'd have on the front end of our partnership before kids, and of course, my photography career. Yet it didn't feel like a sacrifice. I knew from the moment the + appeared on my pregnancy test that our Julia Faye was supposed to be here, and that I was supposed to be her mama.
I went into labor on a Monday evening at home with my now husband, my mother, and our dogs in our little Hyde Park bungalow. We ate, drank tea, laughed, and reminisced. I hopped in the shower, and then spent a lot of time in the tub, listening to music as I got used to my early labor contractions. A friend of mine who was a birth doula & retired midwife came over to check my cervix, and I continued to labor at home. After a while I began to get a little nervous, so we headed to the hospital in hindsight quite prematurely. I eventually got to nearly 9 cm dilated, unmedicated, and stayed there. I was pressured by the doctors and nurses to begin Pitocin, and with that my birth plan went out the window. I wasn't planning to continue without the epidural with the increased intensity of the contractions that came with the addition of this medication. Things then began to progress quickly after that as I tried to process through the loss of what I wanted for my birth as well as the sensation of the epidural. I pushed for roughly 3 hours before they decided they needed to use the vacuum extractor to bring our sweet baby girl earth side. Another thing I was really hoping to avoid. But then she was here. A big healthy cry, and there was our Julia Faye, starring up at me from my chest. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. We soon had a blissful first experience with her first latch & nursing session, and then it was time to rest.
However, I somehow couldn't. After a 36-hour labor, with an exhausted mind & body, I found myself wired. After I finally crashed, a crippling depression set in that would last over a year. With my mom, aunts, and grandmother thousands of miles away, I'd watch my partner go off to work each day, and I'd be left alone in what felt like complete isolation even though my beloved daughter was right by my side. I was ultimately hospitalized after a severe mental health crisis and diagnosed with severe postpartum depression as well as bipolar 1 which I would be left to manage for the rest of my life. It was then that I knew for sure, although I had already explored the possibility, that I wanted to become a postpartum doula and one day document the experience of birthing people through my photos. It took some time, but I completed my doula training with DONA, and later Austin Baby Guru, in the spring of 2018 and hit the ground running beginning a mentorship program and building my business full time. I found so much joy & healing in helping others through such a sacred yet trying chapter in the life of their families, I and feel privileged to do so to this day. By the beginning of 2024, the time was right for me to pick my camera back up and start down my path towards becoming a birth photographer. I began a training course with Birth Becomes You, and will be shooting my first birth at the end of the summer. In each visit to a family postpartum and with each image I capture at a birth, I strive to hold space, honor, and support the unique and beautiful lived experience of new parents. I can still feel my mother’s old camera in my hands every time I pick up my own and reflect on my own birth & postpartum experience as I walk into any birth space or family home. I am beyond blessed & grateful to be able to do this work, and I cannot imagine doing absolutely anything else.